She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
