her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My dick has a subreddit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
