My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
