Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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