Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
did i just pee glitter
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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