what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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