Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just invented taco cereal.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
