Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
