Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
