I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
