i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
