I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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