Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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