I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
