i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
