I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
