I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
