fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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