The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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