he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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