just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
