Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
