i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
