The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
