Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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