I wish I only lived at night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
