sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
