So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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