Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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