Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
