You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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