think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
