ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
