Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
