I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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