I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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