New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
