anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
