i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
