chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
