he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you never un-have a 4some
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize