He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
