Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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