I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
