Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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