I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
