Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
