my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
