Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They have beer where we have blood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
