No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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