Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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