So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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