i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
