we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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