Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
