We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
