I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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