what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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