I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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