I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
