So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
