So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
