I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
