You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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