I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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