I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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