piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
