It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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