STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
